Out With The Old
July 25, 2020
We’ve been together since 2010 but it’s over, I’m trading you in for a younger and far better-looking model. I know it seems harsh but honestly is the best policy. You have to agree, Things haven’t been right for a while. Just look at howdidido it’s there in black and white. I have to do this for both our sake it just isn’t a fair reflection on either of us.
I apologise for the horrific verbal abuse you have endured over the years and for the times I slapped your face after an errand shot which may have been operator error and not equipment failure as I had you believe all these years.
We’ve had some great times together. - I’ll always remember our first hole in one, our first round under par and two more after that. But, my fondest memory of all is that sweetly stuck 4 iron on the 11th Hole – ‘Gruesome Glen’ at Craibstone GC.
Uphill, ball below my feet and into a brutal Scottish “breeze”. The ball left the face knee high to a grasshopper, banking softly from left to right toward the pin with the grace of a fighter jet flying through mountainous terrain.
I walked after my shot reminiscent of Tiger at The Presidents Cup in 2009. For just a second, I forgot I didn’t have a caddy on the bag and had to make a sharp U-turn to grab my clubs. We couldn’t see where it finished. - Regardless, the quality of strike and ball flight would still have been special. We scurried up the fairway wishing it to be the number.
When we reached the summit of our climb my ball was sat on the green, a virtual ‘kick in’. My beaming smile must have been intolerable. There was no concession from our opponents despite the fact one stiff gust of wind may nudge the ball in. Despite the fact I’d hit it so close it was a proper knee knocker. It would be typical to miss the putt after hitting the shot of my life. - I don’t recall ever being so nervous over such a short putt in the middle of a round. Fortunate for me, my ball found the bottom of the cup for birdie and the hole.
Looking back, I’m glad I knocked it in, I can just imagine my golf mates ruining my story with “Yeah, but you would have missed the putt”.
This isn’t easy for either of us right now, just give it some time and you’ll forget about me. You’ll make another golfer the luckiest topper in the world. There’s someone out there perfect for you and I’ll make sure they continue with your Coca-Cola baths and toothbrush care routine. Go and make a fresh start with someone, who without the emotional scars of time together will play the carefree golf we once did.
Take care my friends, I’ll miss you.
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