Furlough Tour Member
June 13, 2020
Following the relaxed restrictions, I wasted no time. The second the tee sheet went live I made my three reservations for the week and cleaned my clubs using my unique coca cola bathing method. Give it a go that stuff gets rid of everything. In fact, Trump is about to begin his latest medical trials using Cola.
Following my recent relocation and split from my golf mates, I was struggling for a playing partner. With some reservations I accepted the kind Club Managers offer to take me out and show me the course. I was expecting the exact same you are probably picturing; an old guy, chinos, popped collar…complete with woollen jumper despite the melting heat. To my surprise I was greeted by a more modern and relatable figure which helped ease my anxiety of spending the next three hours under the microscope.
There I was at the first tee, clubs looking gorgeous as the sun hit their forged metal curves. Unfortunately, the only curve catching my eye was that of the hosel. Without the luxury of an indoor simulator or makeshift hitting net It had been a long time since I’d swung a club.
The clubhouse windows to my right looked inviting so the sensible play was obviously driver. I placed my ball on the tee and stepped back. Finally, my childhood dream of being paid to play golf was about to come true. Thanks of course to the creation of the furlough scheme. I pulled my driver left and failed to find the Seve route through the dense forest. My ball ricocheted right and came to settle in the first cut of rough. I breathed a sigh of relief as I was safely passed the clubhouse windows. However, still miles back and with no regard for course management I did the natural thing and pulled the 3 iron out. WHACK! Like a punch from the gypsy king it hit me straight in the gut. The purest of pure socket rockets, straight right and over the trees. I cupped my ear listening for the smash, nothing, and no word from the club manager either. As he lifted his jaw from the ground there was no laugh or witty remark. - It was too early in our golf days for that but his face said it all. The rest of the round contained all the usual suspects, thin, fat, dubs and for good measure one more unmentionable. Despite this we agreed to the same time the following week. Perhaps he just saw it as an easy pay day as he set off into the sunset with the earned first fruits from my golf career.
The following week passed with time spent on the range and some improvement’s thanks mostly to tips from Padraig Harrington’s lockdown vlogs. With tee times at a premium it was time to start doing something I haven’t before. I began putting my name down with fellow furlough tour members. Formerly; Karate Instructor, Rolls Royce Engineer and Car Salesperson. We had all turned full-time golfers and were loving life out with the confides of our homes.
With a few more rounds under my belt I made my way back to the tee confident I would achieve redemption for my previous poor showing. “Do you recognise this” - unusual greeting I thought as I focused in on the ball he held aloft. Of course, It was that faulty ball that had made its way over those trees. A member had handed it in the following day after it sailed into the side of his car. My stomach sunk as the pound signs rolled over in the back of my mind. Thankfully, due to the four quid golf insurance included in my membership my pocket wouldn’t be dented…. just my dignity. I was left with one question though. - Why didn’t he keep the ball?!
Unfortunately, my time on the furlough tour is now over but I do still manage 9 holes before working from home which is something I wouldn’t have done before. I’m not sure I can go back to the before lockdown life. I’ve grown to enjoy playing and meeting people I wouldn’t otherwise have booked with.
So, the next time the tee sheet is “full” think because you might have a great round with a member you’ve never met before. It certainly provided me with some great stories and new golf one liners; “If I drive this bad on the way home, I’m in trouble” and “That’s gone further than I go on holiday” are amongst my favourites. Please do me a favour and make sure you have the golf insurance. Most clubs include this cover with your membership but that really could have been a sore joining fee.
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